Hell Is For Cat Lovers
I have a sibling who sincerely believes that I will be burning for all eternity in hellfire because I, through study and deductive reasoning, do not believe in the Catholic doctrine of the Trinity. (or hell for that matter) This is not meant to be a religion based post as I don’t believe this is the proper forum, but I was at the pub at the corner about 20 minutes ago, sipping an ice cold Magners cider on this hot and illustrious Australian afternoon and for whatever reason I thought about what it would be like knowing you had an inevitable hell waiting for you. That would suck. Why was I thinking about this? Does Magners have ties with the devil? Did I come under some ancient Magners Gaelic incantation? I think it was a culmination of a few things. I was at the Belgium beer garden earlier and the brew meister asked me if I was from Canada. I said no, California (never “America” since California is so much cooler). He sincerely apologized as everyone here does after thinking I was Canadian though I don’t know why, I’ve never met a Canadian I didn’t like. There could be a blog somewhere called “Everybody Loves a Canadian” for all I know. Anyway, getting back to perdition, I wonder if people don’t like Americans in hell. I imagine there would be a lot of them down there. I hope I can continue blogging there. What would my posts be like? Would my references be metrical or imperial? What side of the road do the spiked acid spitting cars drive down when veering for my naked body tide over a family of porcupines? How about this for my first entry:
Sunday I November 11, 2007
Youzers! Hell sure is hotter than I thought it would be. Dante would feel stupid. Oh wait, there he is on the lizard shoot! I was told that I wasn’t that bad of a guy and actually would be given special duties and thus be moved to the good behavior ward. I showed up there and they gave me a kitten and said to take care of it. Turns out the kitten feeds on human flesh and I have been slowly devoured for the whole day by it. They said it will continue “for some time” which in hell I am told is 1 million years. Oh that devil is twisted! They were playing Pat Benatars “Hell is for children” as well, which I love and had written across my 7th grade notebook, however it was covered by country singer Trace Adkins (Honky Tonk Badonka Donk) and was funny the first time, but hell after the 10,000th.
THE END……? Not for Mrs. Benatar though, but we’ll see her down here soon.
Youzers! Hell sure is hotter than I thought it would be. Dante would feel stupid. Oh wait, there he is on the lizard shoot! I was told that I wasn’t that bad of a guy and actually would be given special duties and thus be moved to the good behavior ward. I showed up there and they gave me a kitten and said to take care of it. Turns out the kitten feeds on human flesh and I have been slowly devoured for the whole day by it. They said it will continue “for some time” which in hell I am told is 1 million years. Oh that devil is twisted! They were playing Pat Benatars “Hell is for children” as well, which I love and had written across my 7th grade notebook, however it was covered by country singer Trace Adkins (Honky Tonk Badonka Donk) and was funny the first time, but hell after the 10,000th.THE END……? Not for Mrs. Benatar though, but we’ll see her down here soon.
