Okay, so I have beer on my mind. Its not a crime.
It was inevitable and now is the time I tell you about Australian beer. When I first got off the boat, wide eyed and full of wonderment on the shores of Melbourne, I was excited to try my first Victoria Bitter, which I had heard about from a friend in the States. I don’t know what I was expecting in a lager, but I was a little disappointed and returned to the states with nothing that special to say about Australian beer. Well the tides have turned America and I am now singing a different tune. (To the sound of a didgeridoo) I know you are probably thinking, “but Nick, Fosters is the only Australian beer that I knew of!”, however nobody drinks it here so take my hand now and walk with me through the beer bush. (Queue didgeridoo)
The Fosters Group - (Popular in the South) http://fosters.com.au
Beez Neez - Brewed at the Matilda Bay brewery (recently acquired by the Fosters Group in 2005) in Western Australia outside of Perth is a honey wheat beer that is refreshing on the many sweltering hot Australian summer days such as Christmas. 4.7 alc vol, not bad, though kind of a chick beer.
Carlton – Established in 1864 this is a very popular tap beer. Weighing in at 4.6% alc vol this beer is a full-strength lager with clean hop bitterness. Not one of my favourites, but in all reality probably better than VB. There is also Carlton Gold, Carlton Black, Carlton Mid, and Carlton Dry.
Cascade – Cascade! They say Tassy beers are good because of the water. Well I’ve seen the snow at the top of Mt. Wellington so every time I take a sip of Cascade which is brewed down at the bottom of the mountain I say “Pay back!” Brewed in Hobart and built in 1824, Cascade is Australia ’s oldest brewery. Cascade is one of my favourite beers for its clear refreshing taste and generous 5.0% alc vol. It comes in Cascade Premium, Cascade Premium Light, Cascade Special Stout, Cascade Pale Ale and a Cascade Amber, however I prefer your good old fashion Premium. Like most beers here, there is Cascade Premium or the lighter less fun version Cascade Light Premium, which has 2.7% alc vol yet .5 more carbs believe it or not.
Redback – Starting as a “Seasonal” beer way back in 1986 and named after the infamous redback spider, this wheat beer (or “wiezen”) is 4.7% alc vol and a great summer time beer. It is also brewed at the Matilda Bay brewery in Western Australia outside of Perth. I actually only had this beer once, but I really enjoyed it. It’s an underdog beer and I want to support it.
Victoria Bitter (VB) – This is owned by the Fosters brewery as well and is what most Bogan’s (kind of Melbourne white trash) drink including myself. It’s a less malty and slightly darker Fosters with a 4.8% alc vol. They come in short thick bottles known as “Stubbies” and are generally what I drink around my apartment on the weekend wrapped around my “Richmond Arms” stubby holder. Also made is Melbourne Bitter which has a “more robust” taste than the more generalized Victoria Bitter. I tried this one (as I have all of these out of sincere research) and will stick to VB for my cheap beer experience. Basically, VB is like an Australian Budweiser.
Crown – Crown is a more upscale classy beer known as a “Premium” beer on your menus, that is 4.9% alc vol and costs a dollar to a dollar fifty more a bottle to most of the other beers. (Cascade and Boag’s are in the same class) Originally established in 1919, it was launched to the Australian consumer in 1954 to celebrate the coronation of Queen Elizabeth II, but prior to that it was available only to an exclusive group of individuals made up of diplomats and visiting dignitaries. I like this beer, however rarely get it for the snobbish reason that I don’t like the bottle it comes in. Crown also owns the big casino/shopping mall in Melbourne on South Bank.
Pure Blonde – This is marketed to be a low-carb beer with its 4.6% alc vol and light, crisp, watered down goodness you know and love. It’s one of the fastest growing beers in popularity and a beer that I find the ladies drinking more of here. I like it on a hot day, but a little too light for this man for when I’m hammering out my broadsword in my kiln out back.
Lion Nathan Ltd. - (Popular in the North) http://www.lion-nathan.com/
Hahn – I know I have had this beer, though I can’t remember anything about it. The Hahn Premium is LNT’s version of Crown and is supposed to be pretty good. Originally started back in 1988, this is 5.0% alc vol lager is a German hoppy lager that is number 2 next to Crown. That’s all I got.
Tooheys – As mentioned in past blogs, Tooheys “New” is a Western Australian beer that is one of my least favourite beers of all time on this planet. It also comes in Toohey’s, Toohey’s Old (huh?), and Toohey’s Extra Dry. It might as well come in Toohey’s Extra Doody for all I’m concerned. Sounds like when you spit, “Toohey!”4.6% alc. vol
XXXX – This was the first beer I had on my first visit to Brisbane in Queensland . I wanted to look cool in front of the locals and drink there beer. This is basically the Australian Pabst Blue Ribbon and not a good beer…..in my opinion. It also comes in XXXX Bitter and XXXX Gold! Though it should come in XXXX Copper or XXXX Urine, because that is what it tastes like. 4.5 alc vol Next!
The independents! (Queue the marching drums with horns)
Coopers – Having no ties with the Fosters Group or Lion Nathan’s conglomeration, this independent South Australian beer seems to be liked by most people I meet. I once went up to a bartender at a lawn bowl grounds (future blog settle down) and ordered a pitcher of Coopers. He looked at me funny and said, “You mean a jug mate?” Yes, I mean a jug. (You see you don’t order pitchers here, you order jugs) This beer is good and probably my choice over the VB like beers, but I will take my Tassy beers over any of them any day. 4.5 alc vol
Little Creatures – This little Perth based engine that could is another one of my favourites. It’s a clever mixture of hoppy, flowery, citricy, honey….y, goodness retains its bitter beer flavour and they claim that after a few of these you will become a “hophead”. 4.9% alc vol
James Boag’s – Our hero for the evening and my current favourite on principle alone. James Boag’s Premium Lager is a European style lager brewed from the finest quality pilsener malts. This beer is fermented at a lower temperature than most Australian lagers. At a generous (thank you James) 5.0% alc vol, this beer says fun with appreciative satisfaction. G’d on ya mates! It also comes in Premium Light, Strongarm, and St George, but nothing beats the Premium. Originally Esk Brewery in 1881, James and his son took over the brewery in 1853 located in Launceston, Tasmania. (Northern, I didn’t get there on my trip, but next time) I’m over hyping this beer, its good but not that good, but I appreciate it that much more now.
Okay, this was long, but when you are passionate about something you roll with it. Does this mean I don’t have to write for a while? Yes? Okay thank you.<frustration> Why does this last paragraph switch line format? Why can’t I delete that space between the parenthesis and the “United”? Because I chose the wrong blog site to write on that’s why. We’re all stuck with it so let’s enjoy. </frustration>
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_beer_consumption_per_capitaTo put beer consumption in a rational and tangible context, here is the breakdown of the largest beer consumers in the world per liter, per capita.
Look at this list and keep in mind population. The thing that surprised me was the fact that the United States is the third largest population in the world (a little over 303 million) and Australia has a little over 20 million. Wrap your head around this and the beer statistics. Basically Australia’s 20 million people drink 7 1/2 more gallons of beer a year more than America ’s 303 million and pay twice as much for it in the process (pronounced pro sess). Even Luxemburg with their 480 thousand and a military army of 800 people beat out the U.S. This is insanity. The world is crashing in around me. I always thought the U.S was a country of honky tonk singing, Budweiser drinking alcoholics (which they are) who rule the world with Coors, Miller, and Budweiser. Turns out I am hugely wrong.
I was talking to a mate from work yesterday and he told me “Haven’t you ever wondered why nobody is at work on Monday?” He’s right, I checked the Sick/Out list in Outlook and Monday is basically ghost town do to hangovers. And the cure for hangovers in Australia? More beer! Same as everywhere I guess. Saying “I’m hung over” however doesn’t work in an Americanized corporate environment so the excuses run from the simple “I’m crook, hope to be in tomorrow” to “I hit a dog with my bike and wont be coming in”.
I had no idea where I was going with this entry when I started, so the title of this entry now that I think about it should be called The Cost of Beer Drinking or something unimaginative and stupid like that. Oh well. Cheers to my friends in Luxemburg. They and their army must be hammered by now.
House of the Rising Pancake
On Tuesday night I had dinner at Joe Joe’s, which is basically a high class food court located off the main strip. I enjoyed some good pasta on the patio overlooking “the action” and contemplated the potential of the evening. I had an exploratory bug up my bum so I took to the streets determined to check off a bunch of local watering holes from my to do list. I got a Beez Neez honey ale at the Beach Front grill, which was lame and themey. I heard there were recently some rugby stars that beat up someone pretty bad at a bar around the corner so the Victoria Hotel was my next destination. Instead of finding a pub full of footy hooligans I was saddened to find a bunch of old men in business suits. Very dull, but safe. I had a $4 “vodka and lemonade” there. Lemonade here is much different than in the States. Sprite or 7-up (not found here from what I can tell) is considered “lemonade”. Here it is a carbonated citris drink and not the ice cold freshly squeezed sugar water goodness that you know and love. It turned out the beatings were actually across the street at The Exchange, so I high tailed it over there where The Smiths was playing over their jukebox. Why a bunch of jocks would want to beat up someone while Morrissey is singing ‘A Boy with a Thorn in His Side’ I will never know, but I don’t play rugby now do I? Anyway, nothing was going on there either other than A MILLION GIRLS and me. Seriously, I thought it was a “girl” bar, but I think the males just took off when they caught wind I was coming. I put my guns away and had a Beck’s and moved on.
The next stop is probably my favorite pub in Brisbane and it is called The Union Jack. It’s an Irish/English/Scottish/Welsh pub with great décor and a good selection of English beers. Australians don’t seem to drink a lot of English beers because when I ordered a Boddingtons (on draft and yummy) the girl looked confused and looked around herself like a dog chasing its tail. The same thing happens whenever I order a Tetley’s or New Castle . Ask for a Tooey’s New though and you get a spring in their step and a Tom Cruis flip of the pint glass before the pour. They had a dart board and I asked if the darts were on the board. They looked confused and said “I don’t know, I’ve never seen anyone actually play them”. Australia is actually a whole lot less English than you would think even when the pub is themed to be.
I went back to the hotel for a quick poop in the toilet when I realized I was hungry again. I headed out again and around the corner I noticed an old brick church. I looked closer and there was a sign on it that said “Pancakes 24 hours”. Turns out this old church was gutted and turned into a pancake house. Australians as a whole are not the most religious people on the planet so this didn’t come as a big surprise to me. I sat down at a table, which I think was basically two pews turned facing each other. So now where people used to sit and pray that they don’t burn in hell for ever and ever I now order a stack of pancakes and a Guinness. It was great and I will be back for seconds next week I assure you. I went down stairs to go pee pee and there, where what used to be the basement of the church, was a huge secret bar. I was blown away. It was closed at that hour, but still, this whole place was not something I had ever seen before. I have a feeling it will be my regular hang out for my proceeding trips to this fine city.
Related Links:
http://www.unionjacks.com.au/
I felt truly American Saturday as I walked down Commercial Road (another street with shops and markets) listening to Tom Petty on my ipod. I had made one of my best playlists ever that morning. I wasn’t feeling good, this time because of my breakfast. Australian chicken embryos make me nauseous for some reason. Maybe they don’t pump American hormones into them and my body is rejecting their purity. I have found that when I am walking around in unfamiliar territory, I have figured out a really good defense mechanism. Put your shoulders back, put your head up, make a sneer face, and walk like you have someplace to be.
I got turned down trying to get a cell phone (you have to live in the country for at least 3 months for a good mobile phone) so I washed my pride down at the Hotel Max. Australia has a lot of pub/restaurants called “Hotels” that I don’t think are actually places you can stay the night at. I had a Chimay and headed down to the Belgium beer garden on St. Kilda Rd. This place is truly awesome. Walking in you would think you are walking onto the campus of some old college in New England . Tables are set up in a park like setting and there is an outdoor bar where get in queue (that is what they call standing in line here) and then select from various Belgium beers that are very high in alcohol. Funny and perhaps a little ironically enough it shares the same building and campus of the “Institute for the Blind”. No joke. After being the lone weirdo at a far off table drinking a Laffe Blonde, Hogarden, and eating the largest and most difficult to eat Bratwurst I have ever had, I waddled home to get ready for a cheese and wine night I was invited to by some of the friends.
I wasn’t so retarded this night. I ate cheese and drank wine with some new Australian, English, and South African friends. There were points of the night where everyone was talking loudly and all the accents blended into some unknown language to me. It is especially confusing when they start imitating other accents as well. I learned that Tasmanians (aka Tassies, pronounced Tazzies) are made fun of for what Americans would label as “inbred southerners” (not true of course…I think) and that the New Zealand accent, to some Australians, is like “hearing nails on a chalk board” I can’t tell the difference myself, but I guess they pronounce “Fish and Chips” as “Faush and Chaups” Somebody get the lynch mob in here! It’s time to deport these kiwis! I had a lot of fun though and laughed through most of the night. Good people.
